India’s inclination to vote against Sri Lanka at the ongoing UN Human Rights Council Session turned into full-tilt intent yesterday after the Sri Lankan team rendered nugatory yet another stirring Virat Kohli knock by managing to lose to Bangladesh and thereby eliminating India from the Asia Cup.
Dr Manmohan Singh, who now feels Sri Lankan skipper Mahela is even more frustrating than Mamata, has empowered Virat Kohli to lead the Indian delegation and vote against the Island nations’ human rights record at the ongoing UN session. Dr. Singh has also requested veteran actor, Dara Singh, to get ready in his avatar and be on standby to thwart any further hanky panky from the Lankans.
“Yeah, we received a call from Mr. Kohli last night,” confirmed Daniel Stein, a spokesperson for the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights. “He insisted that he wanted to make a speech while moving the resolution, so we asked him to approach us through formal channels,” said Stein, before adding, ”Also, for some weird reason Kohli kept asking for the UN secretary general, Ban ki Moon, rather excitedly.”
Confirming the development, Virat Kohli said, “Ban ki ****, Maa ki ****, Bh*****, Be****d, ma*****d.. … ,” before furiously punching the air periliously close to this Unreal Times reporter, sending him scurrying out of the room in terror.
The Sri Lankan cricket team’s alleged perfidy has also enraged the Tamil Nadu polity. In a rare show of bipartisanship, TN CM Jayalalitha will jointly fast with Karunanidhi on the Marina from dawn to dusk to protest against the Lankan team’s habit of eliminating India from ODI tournaments. “First they defeat Australia to knock out India from the CBS series. And now they go down to Bangladesh. Thooo..,” hissed an infuriated Jaya.
The two leaders will be joined by another heavyweight of the establishment, BCCI fat cat N Srinivasan. “Super pissed, pa. I promised Sri Lankan president that I will take at least 4 Lankan players for CSK in return for not spoiling the party. But he just banged the phone on me saying Sri Lankan pride is more important. Enna paa idhu?” barked Mr Srinivasan.
India’s loss has ignited another unseemly debate regarding the passing of the baton from Sachin to Virat. A sick Indian fan commented, “Sachin scores a hundred and India loses the match. But when Virat scores a ton, India loses the whole tournament!” Infuriated, a Virat Kohli fan retorted, “Dude, that’s sick, ok! If you think about it, we exited the tournament because of Sachin’s century only.”
A Sachin fan berated the other two to stop this sick infighting and pointed out: “Look, we defeated Pakistan and Sachin got his 100th 100. So it’s a case of well, well, all’s well, and that ends well.
External Affairs Minister S M Krishna meanwhile has wished his Bangladeshi counterpart all the best for the finals. “Ok, man. Our boys are coming back. This time you sort out Pakistan by yourself,” he conveyed in his official greeting.
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